[every couple of nights, once he’s finished shower-crying over the nature of humanity, contributing writer and “miserable little pile of secrets” marrrrrrr likes to prepare a classic...
[after a particularly epic masturbatory emission, contributing writer and sexual deviant marrrrrrrr cools off by making a small meal and watching a sex comedy to, you know, keep the engine running. th...
[after every failed coup attempt against the fascists at the local chipotle, contributing writer and “free guac” revolutionary marrrrrrr sits down to prepare a sad, sad, guacamole-less mea...
[once every election cycle, contributing writer and political junkie marrrrrrr makes an economically viable meal and sets aside the perpetually absurd theatre of politics to enjoy the occasionally abs...
[occasionally, if he’s had a particularly successful night of preying on small rodents, contributing writer and local night-owl marrrrrrr swoops down toward the local drive-in to rest his wings ...
[after narrowly escaping the 5-0 when his plan of sticking up a taco truck by jutting a finger into the pocket of his hoodie goes horribly awry, contributing writer and wannabe gangster marrrrrrr like...
[once every federally-mandated lunch break, contributing writer and part-time corporate drone marrrrrrr punches a time card, grabs a meal out of the fridge, and sits down to enjoy a film: the one brie...
[once every full moon, contributing writer and local aspiring lycanthrope marrrrrrr takes a break from wearing fur coats and stalking stray cats in the middle of the night to ingest some raw meat and ...
[every so often, contributing writer and local degenerate marrrrrrr takes a break from binge-watching old seasons of survivor and puts his demolished sleep schedule to semi-productive use by cooking a...